Dinner 8

As a kid, my grandfather used to say, "Your eyes are bigger than your stomach," when I put too much food on my plate and couldn't eat it. We always want more than we can handle. Or we want something because it looks good, even though we don't really know what it will be like.

A boring salad. I made the dressing with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, honey, mustard, salt, pepper. You can add oranges and pecans for something a bit more exciting.

The same dinner guest from the last two weeks came again for this week's dinner. But things had changed. I hadn't seen him since last week and he was vague about his whereabouts. He almost didn't come because he had to go to the gym and it was very late by the time he arrived. He still said sweet things like he always said. He said he liked me and missed me. When I suggested we start making dinner, he said, "You are my dinner and my breakfast and my lunch and dessert (cheesy, I know)."

But I felt myself getting cold. If he liked me that much why could he barely hang out with me? Why was going to the gym more important? I couldn't return kind phrases and dinner came out plain and intentionally unispired. Everything was different this week. I tried going gluten-free for a while. I made rice pasta and a chicken tomato sauce that was a little bit of leftover Trader' Joes marinara sauce with some chopped tomatoes, onions, green pepper, and mushrooms.

I knew the parameters of our relationship when we first met. He would be leaving in a month and he was closeted so had to keep his life comparmentalized. I saw what I was getting into and I thought I would be okay with it. And admittedly, I was blinded by how attractive and sexy he was.

But the actual taste of the situation doesn't work for me. I have different needs that he can't provide. There's no point in tormenting myself over something that doesn't fit my stomachheart. In this case it isn't so much that my eyes are bigger than my stomach, but maybe my stomachheart can't survive on sight alone. We all need something that we can hold onto and take our time to digest and enjoy. So next week, an all new dinner guest!